Another Day With The Akatsuki (One Shot)
by Darklight078
Summary: It's pretty much just an Omake story with the Akatsuki. There's the usual pairings: HidaXKaku, SasoDei, ItaXKisa, ZetsuXTobi and KonanXPain. Warning! Yaoi is hinted but nothing really happens...sadly. This is my first story so review please


'Hidan get up! You're drooling all over the carpet. If I have to get it cleaned, it's coming out of your money!' screamed an uptight Kakuzu.

In response, Kakuzu heard a faint 'Asshole' coming from the grey-haired accomplice. With a pained expression, he ran his hand along his brunette hair and swore lightly under his breath. He obviously did not like what came next.

'Hidan, if you don't get up, expect to find yourself sleeping on the couch for the next month.' He explained, spacing out each word as if giving an instruction to a 3-year old. The brunette sighed heavily as Hidan stood up with hints of rage in his eyes.

'Don't tell me where I can f****** sleep!' Hidan began as he started throwing any reachable object at any appealing direction. Without a moments hesitation, Kakuzu gracefully grabbed the albino's body and hurled the shocked Hidan to the floor, regardless of the booming protests made by the victim.

'One more f******* sound, and I'll make sure you won't be having any pleasure for the next month… Get it?' said the man calmly.

His counterpart just lay there gaping at him. It seemed that the albino didn't exactly have a wide variety of words in his vocabulary. There was an awkward silence between them and Kakuzu decided to break it by repeating his words.

'Get it?'

The momentarily stunned Hidan managed a tiny squeak of agreement before softly pushing the older man's body off (which managed to be a first for him). Kakuzu smiled slightly before deciding to actually get of the albino (which seemed to be a first for him too).

'So now we know, watching Harry Potter for 7 hours straight is not good for anyone here…especially the carpets.'

'Yeah yeah I get it… no need to get your f******* hair in a knot.'

The older man slightly chuckled before returning to his mountain of tax documents. Hidan on the other hand, decided it was the perfect time to practice his newly learnt hobby- playing the drums. We can all imagine how that turned out, with the kicking and the screaming and the continuous swearing.

Meanwhile~~

'For the last freakkin' time Danna, art is not freakkin' eternal. Un.' The blonde haired teenager screamed.

On the other hand, his Danna was sitting on his mahogany table chuckling oh so calmly at the psychotic blonde raving about.

'I know' was all he managed to say.

'

No you don't know- wait what? Did you just say you know? Un.' Deidara questioned suspiciously.

'Yes I did, as a matter of fact.' The redhead replied with a slight hint of amusement (for whatever reason) even though the teenager, being too egoistic, didn't even realise.

'Hahaha Danna you finally admitted you don't know anything about art. Hold on, let me just get my phone so I can record-' the blonde was interrupted by the redhead's sudden burst of amusement in the form of a light chuckle. 'What's so funny Danna?' said Deidara questionably as he stopped rummaging through his bed.

'Let me finish my sentence, brat.' He said, obviously quieting the blonde down for what was to come next. 'I know that you're a psychotic, 19-year old transvestite with absolutely no friends whatsoever, who lives under a rock, doesn't do jacks*** and is absolutely useless-'

'Danna!' exclaimed the boy ferociously, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

'You should let me finish,' the redhead exclaimed before remembering where he was up to, ' oh yeah, with a pathetic speech impediment and doesn't-'

Sasori was rudely interrupted by the blonde swiftly tackling the redhead to the ground in an attempt to shut him up. The younger boy's hair was happily bobbing around as he tried to punch the pinned Sasori. However, to his dismay, the redhead effortlessly attaches his chakra strings onto his newly designed puppet (faintly resembling the puppeteer's mother) in front of him, so when the blonde attempted to hurt him, his fist collided with the puppets wooden body. By the end of the day, the house of Akatsuki had one less room to worry about.

Meanwhile~~

'Itachi –san, let's finish this job quickly so we can go home and…' the fish-like man paused at the end of the sentence adding a dramatic effect on his words.

The Uchiha on the other hand, being as smart as he was, knew exactly what his partner was implying, even without the words needing to be spoken.

'Oh? And what?' he said, in a playfully mocking tone coated with fake innocence.

However, Kisame being Kisame, didn't quite get the fact that the Uchiha was joking. And so, nervously twiddling his thumbs, he attempts to get his lover to remember what they usually do.

'You know…this…and that…and…you know.' Itachi looked at the red-faced man only to lightly chuckle (which he did rarely…obviously)

'No I don't know…you need to explain it in more detail.' He said.

Kisame, still not knowing about the Uchiha's hoax, continued 'U-uh…well…we, uh, we…do THAT.'

'Hmm?'

'You know?'

'I'm afraid I don't'.

'How could you not know about what we do!' the fish-like man said as tears began to form around his eyes.

Has his lover actually forgotten about what they do? Does he not love him anymore? Kisame's mind was overwhelmed with negative thoughts. The Uchiha, clearly realising the pain he caused his lover, decided to end his game right there.

'Oh!' he said quite awkwardly, 'You mean THAT THAT.' Itachi exclaimed, trying to put emphasis on the words to make them more dramatic. 'I thought you meant another…THAT…' he finished, clearly unsatisfied with his acting.

Kisame's crying stopped almost immediately. 'You know …*sob*what I'm talking about? *sob*' he questioned his partner, with a few more sniffles following. The Uchiha immediately regretted the pain he put his lover through and-in an awkward attempt- tried to cease it. 'Yes,' he managed, his head nodding as he said the word. 'I DO understand what you were saying.' If it were any other person, they would instantly know now (if not before) that the Uchiha was putting up a show. It was that obvious. However, it wasn't another person, it was a gullible shark-man named Kisame. The blue man instantaneously jumped Itachi in a feeble attempt to connect with his lover using a hug before whispering words of apologies to the raven-haired man. Itachi, on the other hand was not in the slightest bit used to human contact, and awkwardly patted the fish on the back, silently hoping he would release him.

Meanwhile~~

'Leader-sama didn't let us go with Itachi and Kisame on their mission. I'm starting to think we're not needed anymore…' said a plant-like creature releasing yet another sigh. He just woke up and decided to go on a mission with Kisame and Itachi, when the bad news was dropped on him.

'Be quiet! It's because we're not strong and you no that.'

'I know, i know, it's just-' the plant-like creature was rudely interrupted by an excited masked boy running up to him.

'Zetsu-san, Zetsu-san! Look, look!' Said the cheerful boy holding up a piece of coloured paper.

It was Kuro-Zetsu that spoke first. 'What is it?' The young masked boy stared at him blankly for a few seconds before replying.

'What's what?'

Another sigh was created.

'The piece of paper.'

'Ohhh' replied the young boy as if it was perfectly sane of someone to forget something so quickly.' It's a picture I drew. Lookie!' the last word spoken was exactly a perfect octave higher than Tobi's usual tone. Zetsu looked at the messy piece of folded paper and unfolded it. The inside was littered with layers and layers of unusual colours ranging from a muddy yellow to a faint navy blue. Having nothing else to do, the Kuro-Zetsu decided to comment on the artwork.

'It looks like you vomited on paper.'

'Eh?' was all he got as a response.

'Eeye, I mean…it's…what is it?' the Shiroi-Zetsu replied. Covering up the cruel words his counterpart had said.

'Ohhh, it's a picture of the Akatsuki. Do you like it?' the masked kid explained making sure to sound as cheerful as a pony on drugs. Tobi moved nearer to let his comrade see the illustration. Sure enough, Zetsu leaned in closer to get a better view and faintly saw lines that resembled each of the members. First, on the far left, he saw a think grey line that takes after the albino's hair he knows too well. At the bottom, the line sprouted two more unsymmetrical lines that parted to make a 'v' shape. Using his professional artistic knowledge, Zetsu came to the conclusion that they were legs. Puzzled, he looked for any other signs of Hidan and landed on a stick with 3 uneven lines that developed out of the stem. The tip of each of the appendages were died in a dark red which Zetsu later realised was blood. Yep, that's his weapon.

'That's Hidan, right?' Shiroi-Zetsu said, hoping it wasn't actually Konan on a bad day.

'Yay! 3 points for Zetsu-san.' The green man furrowed his brow in concentration then quickly muttered 'I'll take that as a yes' under his breath. The analysing session lasted for almost the rest of the day as the two were busily conferring about whether Pain had piercings on his little member -Oh course Tobi said yes.

Meanwhile~~

"YAHIKO!' Cried Konan as she suddenly bolted out of semi-consciousness.

She was heavily panting and her sleepwear was drenched in sweat. Her hand immediately flew to her head where she instinctively felt a headache coming on. The blue-haired beauty was about to slip out of bed to get an aspirin when a pair of strong tanned arms snaked around her waist.

'The same dream?' the owner of the hands said.

In response, Konan gave a slight nod and turned so she faced her significant other. The strong arms softly and slowly brought her closer to him as he whispered calming words to her. By now, Konan was breaking into a shallow sob. Pain gently laid her next to him as he soothingly rubbed circles along her back. This was the 9th time it's happened since _his_ death and she's always reacted the same way. First the screaming, then the headache, followed by the crying -due to sadness-, then the shock and then more crying -due to guilt-. Pain hated seeing his angel like this. He kept telling her that it wasn't her fault and that _he_ died on his own accord or that she should live her life with no regrets –that's what _he_ wanted. However, none of these phrases reached her. She would occasionally go into deep depression where she would lock herself in a room and read a whole bunch of YAOI manga while eating buckets and buckets of ice cream. This would last around 3-4 days and Pain just could not stand it. He wanted his bed as well as his angel and that stage would eliminate both of his desires. Hoping she wouldn't go that far, he decides to try a new method to cheer her up. Usually he would just have sex with her but Pain felt like a newer person today. After all, he just caught his first Jinchuuriki –meaning he was one step closer to building the bridge of peace that his childhood friend wanted so desperately.

'Konan.' He cooed softly into her ear.

No response. He tried again. 'Konan?' this time more seductively.

As he expected, her head bolted upwards at the sudden tune of her name. Pain chuckled to himself and smirked playfully. Konan on he other hand looked straight past him as if expecting someone else. Pain was used to this though. She tended to get more distant during times like this. Pain slowly leaned over and began nipping at her collarbone. She just sat there. Trying once again he went higher and began biting at her neck, taking in her femininely scent. There was still no response. He smiled to himself and decided he did need to use his secret weapon. This was his chance to be a different Pain. He got out of bed, put a decent shirt on and waltzed out of the room, leaving a momentarily stunned Konan.

Pain was happily humming a tune while walking to the storage room. His thoughts carelessly dancing in his mind. When he reached the messy room, the auburn-haired man fished out a key and inserted it into the slot. What's so important inside that the door is locked? You don't want to know. He effortlessly flicks the door open and struts inside, ignoring the screams and howls that lay deeper in the room. Pain carefully inspects each pile on rubbish when his eyes land on the item he needs. He swims inside the mess towards his treasure and firmly plants his hands along the neck of the instrument. Yes, it's a violin. He's going to play for Konan because that's the kind, compassionate man he is. After a few more screams of help and rummaging through Sasori's numerous puppets (resembling his parents), Pain locks the door and struts to the room, his mind contemplating about all the songs he's going to play. When he reaches him bedroom, he reaches for the doorknob when he hears a faint sob coming from the other side. His angel is weeping. Having no more time to waste he grabs the doorknob and turns it to find…it's locked! Oh s***! He presses his ear to the door in a feeble attempt to listen when he hears something else in the background- followed by more sobs. He presses his ear harder into the door to catch Konan's next string of words. 'Why Hikaru? Why did you leave Koaru? You were so perfect together! WHYYYY?' Pain, already realising his fate, slumps down on the wall and begins to cry in unison with his blue-haired beauty. The number one rule to woman and YAOI, 'there's no stopping any girl when she's on a YAOI spree.'


End file.
